you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
