the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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