When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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