Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
