I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
