I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
