someone get that fucking seahorse.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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