theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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