well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
