I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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