Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
