There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
