Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
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I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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