You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
