Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i would punch a child for taco bell
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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