Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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