mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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