Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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