2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
