she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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