i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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