I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
