The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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