I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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