its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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