Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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