addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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