My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
