Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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