His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
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They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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