I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
