Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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