She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
