You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
