On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
