Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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