this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The best revenge is premature balding
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
