similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
