We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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