There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
