Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
