he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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