he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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