I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
