I have demons in me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
