If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
