I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
