So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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