she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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