I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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