I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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