some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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