Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
