I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
