So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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