So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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