I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
