Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
