everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
