All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
