She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
