when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
