i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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