It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
