hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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