I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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