Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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