No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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