Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
